He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
