He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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