Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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