i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
