i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
