she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
