Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
