I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
