you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
