hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He did a backflip because drugs
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