Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
