I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
