that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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