I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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