Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
