I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
