in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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