she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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