She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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