Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
