You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
