of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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