Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
