Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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