I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
