So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
