i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
