Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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