If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
