hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
