i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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