what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sorry about my life...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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