You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I could fuck to npr.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
