and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
