You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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