Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
