Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
