think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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