yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
