I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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