census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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