Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
