She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
