Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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