when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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