What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
