Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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