this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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