R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
