i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Buhtt sex?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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