he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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