He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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