I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
