I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
