If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
