I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
