I got chris browned last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
