Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
