So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
