census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
