Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
