I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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