Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize