Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
