Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Enjoy the penises
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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