Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
