I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
