i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
