Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
