What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
